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Confidence is overrated

At first glance, the idea that confidence is overrated is silly.

For example, if you ever need to top off your tank with CONFIDENCE, find a real estate agent who just closed a deal.

They’ll have plenty of confidence in reserve and plenty to share!

It’s understandable why they are so excited and have so much CONFIDENCE about their business after they closed a deal.  

They have a buyer and seller who’ve accomplished their goal of buying or selling their house.

If the realtor works for LoKation, their commission check has probably already hit their bank account! 

They’ll have jumped up the standings on their team or in their brokerage.

And they’ll have bragging rights for the day on social media.

But here’s the thing – when I talk to them, I find out their confidence, energy and positive vibes just joined the party for the first time in a long time.

And I ask them why…..

Creek with timber along Alum Creek Trail on the way to Mount Leconte in the Smoky Mountains

They’ll tell me how long of a drought they’ve been in.  

About the deals that fell off due to lack of financing.  

About the buyers that lost out on outrageous bids from other desperate buyers.  

And the sellers who wouldn’t list their house at a reasonable price, only to watch buyer after buyer walk away.

They tell me of the arguments and difficult days with their spouse or partner, who complained about the agent’s time spent “working for free” and weekends spent driving neighborhoods with no return on investment.

It’s at this point when some agents get choked up on their emotions.

As they recount the journey to their recent “win”, they become overwhelmed at the thoughts of what they’ve endured…. humbled, relieved and elated all at the same time.

Why can’t we bottle this CONFIDENCE so we don’t have to go through the pain again?

What can we as realtors change about our process so the time between wins becomes shorter? 

In my experience working alongside high performers in the workplace and in sports, I’ve come to realize that most, if not all, know that long-term, sustained success in their field requires hard work, dedication and obsession to their craft and discipline.

But FEW realize the ORDER in which all these must fall in order to achieve that magical feeling when they accomplish their goal.  

Upon closer review, CONFIDENCE doesn’t enter the mix until much later on the journey and even when it does, it pales in comparison to what propelled successful agents, athletes and executives to their success.

View from boardwalk at Henderson Beach State Park in Destin Florida- included in Confidence is Overrated post

You see, in order to have a major breakthrough in your real estate career, you need 4 ingredients. 

And the four ingredients aren’t necessarily a surprise, but the ORDER in which they go into your recipe does surprise most people.


Path along Bear Lake Trail at Blackwater River State Forest- included in Confidence is Overrated post

The first ingredient is Commitment – real estate agents who have achieved long-term, sustained success have stuck their proverbial flag in the ground and said, “I’m here and I’m not quitting, no matter what.”

That commitment came BEFORE they realized the consequences their commitment would have on their family, their social life and their life in general.

That stubbornness came BEFORE day after day of fruitless prospecting, of humbling sales calls, nights of doubt and mornings of dread.

That persistence and conviction came BEFORE there was any outward sign they would be successful.

That unwillingness to quit came BEFORE anyone else saw them as a successful real estate agent.

And even still, armed with commitment to succeed, that real estate agent couldn’t logically envision what THEIR success looked like.  

They might see how other top agents project themselves on Facebook or HGTV, but truthfully, for them personally, they did not really know what THEIR success would ultimately look like.

DECIDING to commit is just one part of your recipe for success.

The next ingredient is actually more difficult, because it requires a change in behavior AND the COMMITMENT to stick with it despite the discomfort.

Bridge along Alum Creek Trail on the way to Mount Leconte in Smokey Mountains- included in Confidence is Overrated post


COMMITMENT to success as a real estate agent doesn’t require a change in behavior; only a change in mindset.

Two people can both COMMIT to a new year’s resolution of exercising more. 

But one will succeed and the other will fail due to the next ingredient – BRAVERY.

Once you commit to success as a realtor, you have to take new actions.  

You have to behave differently.

And when you do that, you begin to lose control over the way things have always been for you, in real estate, in life, and with those around you.

You’re beginning to change things about your behavior that have been ingrained for years.

And your new actions may alienate your closest friends.

Your success may disrupt the relationship with your spouse or partner or friends who enjoyed having more success than you.

Another agent may see your change in behavior and consider you a threat, and begin to sabotage your best efforts.

And your dog might not be happy about the lack of attention it’s getting!

THIS is where your COMMITMENT is tested.

As you start or increase these new behaviors, whether it be more prospecting, talking to strangers, negotiating, qualifying prospects, sales scripts, or asking for referrals,  your COMMITMENT to your real estate business is going to be tested by others and by your brain, all wanting to keep the status quo.

Road at dusk at Johnson Beach at the Gulf Island National Seashore near Perdido Key Florida- included in Confidence is Overrated post

This is where BRAVERY is required.

Even with supporting friends and family, you’re going to be tested.  

Your mind is going to play tricks on you – it’s natural for your brain to rebel and trick you into maintaining the status quo – to not venture out into activities or tasks that evoke fear.

And because you have limited to no success with these new behaviors, you have nothing to fall back on.  

Your BRAVERY, your faith in yourself and your plan, is what propels you forward.

It could last a week, or a month or even years to achieve the success you’ve targeted, but regardless, the actions you’re taking towards success as a realtor require BRAVERY – that ability to keep moving in spite of the fear you’re feeling and the unknown in front of you.


Hiking trail at Blackwater River State Forest- included in Confidence is Overrated post

As you begin your journey from here, small things begin to happen.

You start to have small successes.

These small “wins” begin to fortify your belief you’re on the path to success.

It may not be a closed deal, but it might be an appointment, or advancing a lead to the next step, or executing on a script that’s been difficult for you.

Where once you had no history of success in these activities, now you do.

Now you have CONFIDENCE that’s backed by your personal experience.

And with each moment, each small win, you build up these positive experiences and in turn your CONFIDENCE.

And then little things begin to happen.

You’ll begin to experience moments that seem “fortuitous” or “out of the blue” or “in the right place at the right time.”

You might get a call from an old friend you haven’t talked to who heard you’re in real estate and is looking to list their house for sale.

A stranger compliments you and asks why you’re always at the coffee shop first thing in the morning working; you come to find out they’re looking to buy a new house in the neighborhood.

Out on a walk, you see a man putting good furniture out on the lawn for pickup.  

They ask if you know of anyone who needs it and come to find out he found out today he’s relocating and has to move quickly.

The thing is, these “serendipitous” moments don’t happen to realtors sitting at home, binging on Netflix or with their head buried in their phone on the treadmill. 

You have to summon your BRAVERY.

You have to get out in public, hold your head up and keep your eyes open for buyers and sellers, or renters and referral partners.

You have to be open to whatever doors may open for you.

And the last part of the recipe are the RESULTS of your work up to now.

The big wins – the offers, the closings, getting a client’s listing and representing them as a buyer.

This is where, outwardly, your confidence is at its highest.  

This is what people see and think was in place from the beginning.

But you know better.


Longleaf Pine Forest in Blackwater River State Forest- included in Confidence is Overrated post

The last part of your breakthrough is the reward for your COMMITMENT and BRAVERY.

The RESULTS are the payoff for fighting through your mind’s tricks, the BRAVERY you exhibited when facing adversity, not knowing or confident you could beat the odds.

It’s the reward for fighting through the naysayers and the dirty tricks your mind plays to keep you stuck in mediocrity. 

So why do so many realtors, and people in general, fall short of their goals and fail to achieve steady, successful RESULTS?

Because most people wait for CONFIDENCE and MOTIVATION to appear BEFORE embarking on their journey.

That’s why many people get stuck where they’re at – they wait for their CONFIDENCE to appear and motivation to reveal itself BEFORE taking the first step.

Or, when adversity hits, they either give up or double-down on seeking out quick-hit motivation instead of digging their heels in and being BRAVE and fighting through the resistance right there and then.

BRAVERY is believing in yourself without any facts or successes in place to back you up.

BRAVERY is moving forward with your plan despite having limited or no assurance you are on the right path.


Path to Gulf of Mexico at Henderson Beach State Park - included in Confidence is Overrated post

If you truly crave a breakthrough, uncertainty, pain, rejection and stress are all part of the deal. 

There is no avoiding it.

To help you over the hump, think about other times in your life where you’ve acted with BRAVERY in spite of not knowing the outcome.  

Think of a time you accomplished something you didn’t think was possible.  

Maybe other people doubted you.

You’ve probably done it multiple times in your life – keep seeking out examples.

And when you think of that one example,  ask yourself the following:

What did I commit to accomplish?
What adversity was in front of me when I did it?  
What made accomplishing my goal so difficult at that moment?
Once I got some momentum, did my confidence kick in?
How did I feel when I accomplished my goal?

Now think about your real estate goal and COMMIT to a plan, consider the obstacles, decide to be BRAVE when you encounter them, and begin your journey.

At each step, recognize the little victories. 

Realize these are the building blocks of CONFIDENCE.  

Rinse and repeat – take the next step. 

Over and over until you’ve achieved your goal – the RESULT.

Once you’ve achieved that listing, or closing, do it again.  

Now you have a single success you can point to.  Now you have legitimate, unbreakable self-confidence as a successful real estate agent.

The steps never change, but the time in between gets shorter IF you remember that COMMITMENT and BRAVERY come before CONFIDENCE and RESULTS.


If you enjoyed this, please share it with someone you know that’s trying to accomplish something big or small. That act of kindness could be the thing to help them find their BRAVERY and take their next step to success.

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